Cindie Wilding Celebrate Everyday

Nycholl and Jeff

What happens when you take a girl from the west coast and a guy from Florida, put them together in culinary school in Florida, mix well, add love and transplant them back on the west coast along with their two dogs, jobs as chefs and a love of snowboarding?  You get a beautiful spring wedding, complete with lots of family, dear friends, lots of laughs and lots of sweet tears.  

Since Nycholl and Jeff met in culinary school and are both chefs at local restaurants, I really enjoyed weaving their love story with many references to good food, fine dinning and the spice of life.  

For a very personal "unity" ritual, I decided on the blending of spices -- Rosemary for prosperity, brown sugar for a sweet life, garlic to keep them safe, savory for a balanced and blended life, nutmeg for romance, paprika for passion (they threw a lot of that in the vase) and a bay leaf for a little extra spice.  The blended colors were gorgeous and I'm thinking will look so perfect in their kitchen. 

It meant a lot to me to get to know these two and learn what they valued and found special.  It made it easy to help them write vows that included references to walking the dogs together, cooking together and snowboarding together "all the days of my life".  

It is always truly a special treat and honor to marry each unique and wonderful couple, to meet their family and friends and to be told afterward how beautifully I captured the couple and exactly who they are.  

Nycholl and Jeff I wish you a lifetime of laughs, love and absolutely fabulous food, with lots of spice.  

All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.  ~ Charles Schultz

BIRTHDAYS & EARTHDAY

"Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow."  

~Margaret Fuller

 

This is Mr. Wonderful, my grandson on the day of his birth, almost exactly 3 years ago.  His birthday is Monday, but we celebrated today with all the usual fanfare of a birthday celebration.  From a Celebrant perspective, its fun to look at all the elements of a birthday party, practiced for probably hundreds of years, that serve to make us feel part of and supported by a larger community of family and friends. 

 

Birthdays are a good time to celebrate our thriving through another year and to honor our achievements of the past year.  For a child, each birthday marks incredible mental, emotional and physical growth as they make huge strides to learn very big skills.  Mr. W. is no exception.  In the last year he has increased his vocabulary and use of sentences and communication, learned to ride a bike with training wheels, recognizes colors and letters, knows his full name and has learned to do a great number of tasks for himself.  At any age, birthdays are a celebration of our achievements over the past year and what better way than with presents, food, cake and the singing of happy birthday by those who love us the most. 

 

I find it interesting that so many celebrations, including weddings, memorials and birthdays, include candles.  Lighting a candle can be symbolic of a coming together, a remembrance, or an honoring of life.  We have been putting candles on cakes to extinguish with our breath for many, many years, dating back to the Ancient Greeks who did it as an homage to the gods and goddesses.  Germans also used this as a religious practice, calling the candles the “light of life”.  It was also believed that the smoke rising as the candle was blown out would carry wishes up to the heavens.

 

As corny as they might sometimes feel, these traditions are important and meaningful and could there be any better way to look back on your year, and look forward to what lies ahead than with a belly full of cake and a face full of frosting?

And,

 

Tomorrow is Earth Day – a tradition that has only been around since I was a teen (which I guess depending on how you look at it could be considered a very long time).  I think Earthday is much like our birth days in that we are honoring our Mother Earth, looking at what we have accomplished in terms of taking care of her, helping her grow and looking ahead to how we can continue to care for her through increased awareness and practice. 

 

I have many causes I support both through my actions and with how I spend my dollars that honor and cherish our planet such as recycling, being mindful of my carbon footprint, re-using items like water bottles instead of using more plastic, caring for our wild life and parks, buying my produce locally and organically, buying sustainable bamboo products, remembering to use my cloth bags for groceries and much more.  We can all do something, even if it’s only something small to keep our planet healthy, strong and thriving for many more birthdays to come. 

 

Tomorrow, I’ll light a candle to celebrate and honor Mother Earth, and consider what present I can give her that will contribute to her wellbeing and to the continued growth and achievements of our world.  Won’t you join me?  Make a wish – now blow.  

 

There is hope if people will begin to awaken that spiritual part of themselves, that heartfelt knowledge that we are caretakers of this planet. 

 ~Brooke Medicine Eagle

 

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. ~Doug Larson

The above quote is particularly appropriate as I went running in that torrent of rain this morning and came back with shoes going “slush, slush, slush” as I walked!  Impossible to avoid the huge rivers of water on my suburban streets and sidewalks, I had to laugh as I sloshed along.  Yes here in ‘sunny’ California we are still experiencing those April showers that we all have to appreciate because come summer we will be happy our rivers and lakes are full and at least for a short time we’ll be loving the vision of green and colorful flowers. 

So with a pocket full of hope and knowledge that indeed sunnier days are ahead, I am enjoying our spring.  Spring is my favorite season (followed closely by fall).  It’s full of promise of what is to come – new life, new growth, birth and newness, all so dramatically demonstrated to us by the birds, plants and flowers of nature.  So too are our lives full of the opportunity to experience new growth, re-birth, change and transition.  And yes, this is all very good.

Spring means an opportunity to be outside more (yes, even in the rain if you are somewhat crazy like me!!), beauty surrounding us.  For me it means thinking about what lies ahead, what I’m creating next.  Last weekend I led my annual women’s spring retreat.  Through a variety of writing exercises, conversation and art we explored where we are and where our intentions are leading us to go next.  This is my springtime ritual -- taking stock, setting my intentions and looking forward with gleeful expectation and anticipation. 

My calendar for the next 6 months is full to popping:  weddings, little weekend trips away, a yoga retreat, a music festival weekend, a weekend at Lake Tahoe combined with performing a wedding, birthday celebrations and more weddings!  Today I am grateful for the timely arrival of a weekend trip with a girlfriend, beginning in just a few shorts hours.  I feel I have been going 100 mph and stopping to do nothing and be has not been an option.  Thank goodness I had the good sense to schedule some time just for me with built in permission to relax, do nothing, explore, hike, read and go wine tasting.  It couldn’t have come at a better time.  We need this down time in order to gather the strength, ideas and resources required for our creative ideas to bloom! 

Consider setting your intention for spring – what are you birthing?  What is new and blooming in your life?  Start taking baby steps in the direction of that intention and then most important -- plan for reward and time out as well.  You deserve it!

Remember, if you can’t dodge the rain drops, at least have fun running through the puddles! 

 

Earth's dark breast
rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley, "The Sensitive Plant"

 

Complexities of Being Human

Often when people find out that in addition to performing weddings I also write and perform memorial/funeral services, their reaction is “wow, that must be really sad/hard/challenging/depressing/not as uplifting as weddings” or some combination of similar sentiments.  The truth is, while the wedding day is of course a happy occasion, and it is a true delight to be able to be there marrying the happy two I have come to know and love while creating their ceremony, there is also stress and anxiety and a million details for the bride (not to be sexist, but it is generally the bride) to worry and stress about leading up to the big day.  They have much on their plates to deal with as do I as I research, write, re-write, and get to know the couple.  So while it is happy, there is a stressful part as well. 

 

Similarly, while of course it is sad that a human life has ended, and the people they leave behind will miss them terribly and there is struggle and challenge in dealing with the loss of the loved one, I also find memorial services to be incredibly rewarding and while not particularly ‘happy’ occasions, they are healing, provide closure and the opportunity for heart connection.  I find it very heart-full work which I love very much.

 

So it is with our life experiences, which are varied and complex, not black and white.  This past weekend I performed a memorial for a woman I'll call J.  It was sad from the first phone call from her husband as I learned she was only 36.  As I talked with her mother and sat down with her husband and friend, I learned more details about this extraordinary woman’s life that made it feel all the more sad.  A brilliant and intelligent woman, J saw herself as a lifelong learner, holding 3 college degrees in music and nursing.  She was very active and social and everyone commented on how she made friends wherever she went.  Of course she also had a more challenging side to her nature, as we all do.  But they were not the sum total of her life or who she was by any means. 

 

J, like all of us, was a complex person.  Her peaks and valleys of emotions might have been more extreme than most of ours.  Her friend Maureen commented that J. could inspire and infuriate, exhaust and exhilarate her.  But she was loved by many and had an ability to bring out the best in others, to draw out their strengths, to encourage.  This is what we honored and remembered at her service. 

 

It reminds me of that Byrds song, or let’s go back even further to an author in Ecclesiastes who said (in part) 

 

To everything there is a season, (turn, turn, turn)
a time for every purpose under the sun…
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;…

 

The same as the seasons change, evolve, move from one extreme of weather to the next, and we all experience times to laugh and times to cry, people are neither all good or all bad and our experiences of the people we love are filled with happy, sad, frustrating, joyful, crazy moments, sometimes all at the same moment!  I think in recognizing this in the ones we love and honoring the full 3-D picture of them and sharing that together, we come together to grieve and to heal. 

 

My main role in the service is story teller.  But I also nudge and allow loved ones to remember, honor, cherish, share and hold onto the legacy that person left in their heart, their parting gift.  In J’s case I believe it was her ability to make others feel loved and special no matter what. 

 

And so are memorials sad for me?  Words do not adequately describe my feelings.  But I would not call them sad.  They mostly feel like I am doing good work that feels heart-centered and helps others to keep memories and legacies alive. 

 

What I leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the hearts of others ~ Pericles  

 

Remembering the Story of Our Loved Ones

It's been about 2 weeks since a bowl of water and a small dish of cat food sat on the floor in my kitchen.  About 2 weeks since a large fur ball of a cat greeted me every time I came in the house.  About 2 weeks since I heard his "meow" when he saw me which meant, pick me up and hold me like a baby and I'll purr for you.  And I miss him.  I miss those moments.  I feel the space of his absence.

I miss those little pieces, those daily little reminders of his existence in my life -- his bed, him laying on his bed, his paw on my leg, him jumping into my lap, him scurrying to retrieve whatever food bit might fall as we cooked or ate in the kitchen.  

His absence has left a hole, a big piece inside me that feels vacant where he and his antics and his big hairy presence used to be.  I can hold him in my heart and remember him, but it is the cracks and crevices that can't be filled in by the tiny gatherings of "being Busty" that I miss, that defined him and the relationship we shared.  

I am currently struggling a bit to write a memorial honoring a young woman who passed on March 15.  I have her resume from her husband.  While it is most impressive -- she was clearly an amazing and accomplished woman, in music and in science, what I am missing is the heart of her.  Unfortunately he and I have had trouble connecting as this week he works very long hours and has not been available to meet or talk at length.  We have a few more days until her Celebration of Life and I am comfortable that we will be able to meet and fill in the blanks.

Writing a list of the positions she has held is one way to create the visual description of her.  But I am longing to learn the more intimate details, the cat bowl on the floor pieces if you will, that defined her.  What did she love to eat?  Was she serious, funny, prone to make fun of herself?  Was she creative, playful, spiritual?  I want to know her as a friend and remember and fill in those cracks and crevices, have her come alive on Saturday, so all can say, Yes, that was what I loved about her.  Yes, that is what I will miss about her.  Yes, that is who she was and the legacy she left.  If I can shoot a large dose of those things about her that are now a hole for her loved ones, much as Busty's absence has left a hole in my life, then she will be remembered in living color, and I will feel I have done my job well.  Her "being Jennifer" will flow like water into the cracks and crevices and her memory will shine and her story will live on as well.  

  

Bits & Pieces

RITUALS IN WEDDING CEREMONIES

There are so many fun and creative ways to add personal meaning to your ceremony.  I have two weddings coming up soon where we will do a hand fasting ceremony -- an old Celtic ritual wherein as Celebrant, I drape a sash or rope, over the couple's clasped hands, symbolizing their union and the way in which they will look to their partner for support and strength moving forward.  Often, the sash used has personal meaning for the couple in some way.  The Father of the Bride of one of my couples loves to make 'crazy quilts' out of random fabric.  My Bride is having everyone send a square of fabric with their RSVP so that Father of the Bride can craft a very unique and personal sash for our hand fasting.  

I spent some time at the fabric store today, poring over the different colors, patterns, designs and textures to find one that felt like 'me' and came up with the square you see above.  I loved the reds and oranges together - what a gorgeous rich blending and I loved how there were tiny hearts hidden within the flowers, making it a perfect representation of my contribution to their wedding.  

This week I found a fun blog about ways to do things DIY for weddings, though I think most of the ideas could be used for other ceremonies or celebrations as well.  I love the creativity of each of my couples.  It makes it so fun for me to find the perfect words for their ceremonies.

PRE-MARITAL COACHING

I have been blessed with the fun of getting to know one of my couples quite intimately as we have been doing pre-marital coaching together for months.  We meet every six weeks and talk about issues, communication styles, acceptance, beliefs and expecations.  I have given them 'homework' every session which they have totally enjoyed.  It has included creating a vision board together depicting their future, (which they proudly brought to show me), exercises to practice and questions to answer.  They have had the opportunity to look at struggles that might become bigger problems and to anticipate anything that might have been in their blind spot.  I admire them for taking this important time to set a solid foundation for their marriage.  

I also feel personally grateful for this opportunity to get to know them at a much deeper level.  My style is to get to know a couple anyway, but with several months of one-on-one time with these guys, I was afforded a brand new opportunity, to really be there as they prepared for this major event and to develop intimacy with them I would not ordinarily experience.  What a treat it has been.

For them, I believe this is all part of the process of creating meaning, not only in their wedding ceremony, but in their marriage as well, to purposefully look ahead to what they are creating together and to resolve to make it work.  

To love a person is to learn the song in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.  ~Unknown

RETREAT APRIL 7

In two weeks I'll be leading a one-day retreat for women and I have two spots left.  I think at a certain age we start to feel the shortness of life and know there is still much we want to experience.  Perhaps you, like many of us, have had an unexpected shift in your life so that you suddenly find you are re-inventing yourself, whether by choice or not.  

This will be a fun and experiential way to look at your life, where you are headed, where you want to go and to create a map of how you will get there.  I would love to have you on this journey.  Please click here if you would like to register and please contact me for more information.  

Leap and the net will be there, or you wil grow wings to fly.

How will you celebrate this moment, this day, this fabulous life?

Happy (almost) spring and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Celebrating 50 and Beyond - Imagine the Possibilities

 

Your wings already exist.  All you have to do is FLY

Growing older has many consequences -- some of which are annoying and frustrating (why must have I so much hair on my body to remove?), some of which are painful (it hurts my knees to run) and some of which are distressing or perplexing because we suddenly find ourselves at a place in our lives where we did not suspect we would be.  

Particularly as women, I think we tend to live our lives for others, with the thought that someday there would be time for us, we would do what we want, we would live our life for us.  I have known so many women including myself, who reached a certain age and realized life was becoming short, time was running out, and is this how the last quarter of my life will be spent?  It's not that we aren't happy, but perhaps because of circumstances beyond our control, we find ourselves reinventing our lives and it's going completely differently than ever expected. 

Having experienced this myself (a few times), I am mindful of how helpful and supportive it can be to have a venue for exploring this time of our lives -- how far we have come and what we have accomplished as well as consciously planning where we will go from here.  

I don't know about you, but I have lots of plans of things I still want to do -- my ever present "bucket list" if you will and I find myself giddy with all there is to experience.  I want to come alive on a regular basis and feel excitement and passion for my life.

What I have in mind, is a Saturday for YOU, a day spent in the loveliest of suburban settings with a group of other women.  Together we'll explore:

• our personal values and how clarity around them will assist your daily choices
• your dreams -- what do you long to still experience in life?
• your personal Mission Statement - what better way to be clear on where you are going than to create the map?
• plus time to write and share together (oh how us women love to talk and share)

Will this be fun?  Absolutely!  I have fun and creative activities for exploring, circle time with (optional of course) sharing and time to journal and reflect solo in a beautiful garden setting.  

"Let go of the life you planned, so you can find the life that is waiting for you."  ~ Joseph Campbell

Who would like to attend?  

• If you are a woman ~ the age of 50 and up and you have or are experiencing a life change that feels like a re-invention of your life and you'd like to explore where to go next.  
• If you've never been on a Women's Retreat and you are curious about it
• If you've been on retreat, with me or another and loved it -- each experience is totally different as you start where you are.
• Exploring yourself in a women's retreat gives validation and voice to your feelings and experience.  

All the details:

April 7, 2012 * Saturday * 10:00 am - 4:00 pm * 5553 Butano, Rocklin * $60 (includes all activities and supplies for art fun'nin, morning beverages, lunch and afternoon snack)

Sign up here:  http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/233535

I have 4 spots left.  Would be my pleasure to have you join me.  

Celebrating Life

Do you ever have the experience of writing in your head?  I find myself writing descriptions of my experiences in my head all the time.  I only wish I had a tape recorder at these times.  The running narrative is really quite entertaining.  This was today's:

"Are you wearing any deordorant?" she asked, holding the crisply ironed blue gown towards me.  "The gown ties in the the front.  Everything off from the waist up."  This was the 3rd time I had been through this drill in as many days.  I knew exactly what to expect and what to do, now.  What I didn't know was what to expect once I got in "there", or how to feel or what I would feel.  

Lying on the tiny narrow bed, covered in the warm towel I'd requested, I didn't feel quite like myself, not my usual friendly self, but more small, quiet, withdrawn.  Blessed with good health most all of my life, I have had very few experiences with hospital procedures that involve doctors taking a knife to my body like a piece of flank steak.  I chatted with the assistant about what was going to happen, what it all meant.  By the time the doctor arrived, I couldn't look at the needle.  I clutched my robe and literally held my breath.  It was uncomfortable.  I felt the vulnerability of my tiny breast, the potentially evil cyst being suctioned right out of it.  I summoned courage from women I knew -- one I particularly admire and care for very much, currently going through breast cancer hell, another my daughter.  Watching the milky images on the screen, looking so much like waves, rhythmically rolling along until there it was, the black blob responsible for this visit.  I thought of my many visits to doctors with my daughter, watching the screen, looking for signs of hope as we watched her tiny baby fighting for his life, losing.  I thought of her courage.  

I thought of my grandmother who endured breast cancer and survived, one less breast to her chest.  I thought of my father who lost the battle to cancer at a much too young age.  I quietly thought - I am healthy, I am well.  And, that I believe is true.  This appears to have been a minor glitch, probably one many women have experienced.  My experience today included some fear when I thought I was invincible, followed by an innate desire to practice self care.  

After dressing and leaving the building, I still felt quiet.  I wanted to do something that felt good to me.  And so I followed my heart to a place that always makes me feel cheerful.  I went to Anthropologie.  I ended up buying these two bowls because they are beautiful and made me smile.  

I found myself wandering another favorite 'feel good' spot after that -- Whole Foods, and this is the treat I gave myself:

 

I also enjoyed a soy chai latte while wandering the aisles.  It was an hour spent on a date with myself, doing what I wanted and it felt wonderful.  At home I changed into running clothes and took off running.  It was that time of day and that time of season when the sun warmed my back, yet the wind cooled my face.  It felt like day time turning to evening, winter turning to spring and in that moment I realized all the life affirming actions my inner self had led me to in that afternoon.  Blueberries at Whole Foods, a soothing drink, my creative tour of Anthropologie, treating myself to the small purchase of bowls that made me feel good just thinking about having something yummy to eat (perhaps my blueberries?) and starting my day with a smile.  

We are always reinventing ourselves, whether we realize it or not or want to or not.  Especially as we age, our lives change, our health changes, our children leave home, our jobs go away, our spouses go away and we are left re-definning who we are and what we really want for our lives.  One way to handle these times is through life affirming treats and actions.

Today I thought of the Howard Thurman quote:  

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

My medical issue was not life threatening and I am confident I am and will be healthy and well for quite some time.  What I think these kind of experiences do is shake us up and wake us up, make us grateful to be alive, make us more enlivened than ever and cause us to start doing that which makes us come alive -- hence my self-care afternoon.  

If you are a woman who has been or is reinventing herself, I hope you will consider coming to my upcoming retreat.  We're going to talk about, write about and think about what it means to become older, to reach an age and look back as well as to look forward to what lies ahead, to wonder what we want or to feel dispair at what we see.  We will find ways to conciously look at what's working and what's not and how we can take hold of these precious lives we have and truly come alive!!  

April 7th from 10 am - 4 pm in Rocklin CA.  $60 includes lunch, snacks and all the wonderful coaching and retreating in a beautiful setting.  Whether you have been on a retreat before or have never been and are curious, you are welcome.  Respond to this post if you'd like me to save you a place.  

Now how are you coming alive today??

 

Hearts a' Plenty

For quite some time I have been a collector of hearts - hearts found in nature, hearts found in clouds, hearts found in a piece of fruit, cut in half, unexpectedly showing me his underbelly of love.  I'm drawn to hearts, the heart shape wherever it may unexpectedly show up.  My kids and I used to collect heart shaped rocks on hikes and vacations and I still do.  The above is a small collection housed in the downstairs bathroom window sill.  They make me smile when I find them, like buried treasure, under dirt, in sand, in the water of a puddle on the sidewalk as I run by, so insignificant you might miss them if you weren't on the look out, yet so meaningful to me on discovery.   

It's no coincidence that our universal symbol for love is a heart.  So simple in it's design (whenever I create art, it always includes at least one heart; I love it's swoopiness!), a symbol of our hearts.  And doesn't this make sense considering this is where we connect with others - not our heads so much, but our most intimate connections are made with our hearts.   

The couples that I have the pleasure of working with are also collectors of hearts.  They may not physically collect hearts (and in fact I don't think I've been told by any so far that they do) but they collect them in the ways they feel loved and express love.  I always ask my couples what their partner does that makes them feel loved.  Their answers are right in step with the way I am observant and celebratory about the rocks and images I find in the most mundane of locations.  They love the way their partner takes their hand in the grocery store, cuddles with them at night, listens to them and appreciates their goofy sense of humor.  Small little things, found objects in the every day -- hearts.    

Being a collector of hearts is not only for couples -- it's for all of us whoever we are and wherever we are.  We collect hearts when we connect with others.  This Valentine's Day, look for the hearts in your everyday life -- Do a favor for a co-worker, hug your kids, complement someone, see how friendly you can be to everyone you meet.  What hearts do you find?

A very happy Valentine's Day, from me to you.  May you express and feel love with many today and everyday.  

♥

Foodie Penpals

Because  1) I read a lot on the internet, including lots of interesting blogs by lots of intreresting people, and 2) I love different (some say weird) yummy food, I joined a Foodie Penpal group last month.  At the time I joined, I didn't realize that most if not all of the other penpals in this group were food bloggers, people whose blogs are full of recipes and information about food.  My blog is about Celebration - ceremonies, weddings, memorials and birthdays.  But then I thought - but food is a big part of celebrations and it's certainly a big part of my life!  So, I took the culinary plunge.  

Upon joining, I was hooked up with a Someone to send a package of yummies to (Frieda at Purple Oven Mitt), as well as another Someone who sent me a package of yummies (Abby at Abz 'n' Oats).  Frieda lives in Washington and Abby in Nebraska.  Already I had made two friends in different parts of the U.S.!

The day my package arrived in the mail it was a Celebration.  I had fun going through the box (and sampling of course) all the items in my package from far away Nebraska.  The picture above shows most of the contents of my package, sans one bag of seaweed snacks which I devoured almost immediately, so excited that Abby had sent me TWO packages of this, one of my most favorite snacks!  Abby managed to select some of my top food cravings - dark chocolate (oh my so good), the aforementioned seaweed snacks which I admit are a speciality item that not everyone loves as much as I, and because I told her I love all things coconut, a can of coconut milk.  I'm still trying to decide what to do with that.  Perhaps it will go into the making of a coco/chocolate concoction of some kind, along with the coconut flour my darling son gave me for Christmas.  

Part of the fun of doing this penpal exchange is pondering new and different foods and how to use them, as well as being introduced to two lovely food bloggers and their blogs.  By the way if you have thoughts or ideas on how to use my growing supply of coconut products, do share.  Now I'm off to celebrate with a piece of dark chocolate. 

If you are interested in joining (you can sign up for just one month, or keep re-upping every month), the hostess and creator of this delicious idea is Lindsey, who can be found at http://www.theleangreenbean.com/.