Cindie Wilding Celebrate Everyday

Alexandra & Carl

One of the big perks of my "job" as a Celebrant, is the sacred opportunity I have to get to know a couple well and to be invited into their lives for the chance to get to know their families as well.  I feel as if I am a part of something so wonderfully personal and intimate and I am always honored to partake in that moment in time with them.

Sometimes our connections to others can be so delightfully synchronistic.  When Alexandra (Alex) was preparing for her wedding to Carl, she turned to her former teacher, turned wedding venue owner, Kelly Dalisa, who along with her husband Doug, are owners and operators of the Monte Verde Inn.  That connection then led them to me when Kelly recommended they contact me.  

What an adorable couple, full of excitement for their big day.   Their story was somewhat typical -- they met at work -- both working at the same hospital, in different departments.  But it was another connection that brought them closer together and really strengthened their relationship.  Carl's grandmother was sick in the hospital and Alex would go visit her every single day, no matter what, to be sure grandma was not alone.  This selfless act was so special to Carl that while it was such a trying and emotional time for the entire family, it bonded Alex with Carl's entire family and truly demonstrated her compassion.  

For both of them, family is key, important above all else.  Alex had her dad and her step-dad present her to be married, in a very sweet walk down the aisle.

Emotions were high all around, lots of happy tears being shed every direction, and I loved seeing her beautiful mother tearing up in the first aisle.  

They wanted to honor their mothers, those who were the first to nurture and nourish them, the ones who gave them life.  So the moms lit candles symbolizing the passing on of their faith, their wisdom and thier love.  Alex and Carl then each took those candles and together lit one Unity candle representing the two coming together as one, even while remaining two separate and distinct individuals.  

There were other cute personalizations,  Carl's boutineer being one of the cutest I've ever seen.  See if you can tell that Carl is an avid duck hunter. 

As I said, one of my favorite perks is getting to know the families and I had so much fun after the ceremony, talking with all of their parents, as well as Alex's sweet spitfire of a grandma (I suggested to her she should get up and dance during the reception.  I hope she took me up on that).  What sweet stories, what sweet people and what a sweet vantage point I have, watching families from the wings, getting to be a fly on the wall as family and friends who haven't seen each other in years greet one another with hugs and cheers.    

I cherish these connections, the opportunity to meet people and tell their stories, to be a witness to the happy fun family love fest.  

All images courtesy of Beth Baugher of True Love Photo

Alex and Carl, May your love for each other grow deeper each day.  And may you  tend this union well so you may enjoy the fruits of its harvest – with peace, joy and happiness in your hearts and in your home.    

I'd like to especially thank Beth Baugher of True Love Photo who was so kind to share all these photos with me and who so aptly captured the essence of Alex/Carl.  

Celebrating Mothers

Everytime we celebrate a holiday or hold a ceremony, it's uniquely special because of the people involved and present circumstances.  So it is with Mother's Day.  This year I am finding my thoughts very much on my mother, and her mortality.  No, she is not dying, but she does have Stage 2 breast cancer and will soon begin radiation therapy.  I am finding this is hitting me at odd times and in various emotional ways.  While I'm not focused on a fear my mother may die from her cancer, she is an 82 year old woman and it is painfully putting me in touch with the short life span she has ahead of her.  

I have found myself thinking thoughts of who she is, what she means to me, what I love about her, trying to organize my feelings into concrete thoughts of understanding and appreciating her legacy.   My mother is, above all else, an extremely kind person, and a person who for as long as I could remember, would chat people up wherever we went.  It took me awhile to recognize it, but I believe I have finally owned and now inhabit the notion that I inherited some of that people curiousity and abilty to engage.  

Today my daughter, son-in-law , grandson and I all participated in the Race for the Cure.  I have run, walked or volunteered at this race many times.  In the past I ran to honor my grandmother, who also had breast cancer and although she had a masectomy, her breast cancer was not what killed her.  This year, the name tag on my back was for my mom and I found just the act of writing those words and letting the words My mom has breast cancer sink in, brought tears.  

Throughout the run, I found myself inspired by so many women wearing the "Survivor" tee shirts and as I ran past I would stop to give them a high 5 and a blessing. Toward the very end of the race, motivated volunteers had posted large poster signs saying One Step at a Time, we can Cure This and other words of inspiration.  Just reading these made me start to cry, but the really big tears didn't come until I was finished.  As I stood at the finish line, watching for my son-in-law with the stroller and grandson, I watched survivor after survivor cross the finish line and be announced and bestowed with a medal.  Watching one bald woman, as the medal was placed around her neck, her face totally looked as if she would burst into tears, which created the opportunity for me to do it for her.  As the finishers kept coming, some linking arms with their non-cancer supporters, the tears streamed down my cheeks.  I'm still not entirely clear on the host of my emotions, but they were deep.  There was so much hope, permeating every pore, oozing from the pink shirts, that I'm pretty sure a lot of my tears were not about death but about life.  

I know my mom is about to experience something very challenging for her, as it will be for me.  Radiation ain't for sissies.  And she may well be a surviror of this disease by same time next year.  And yet, I think I am emotionally preparing for her eventual exit from this world.  There was a time in my life when I was very disconnected from my mother and didn't see her for a long time.  Now that I have found her again, I am struggling with the idea of losing her.  

I want to share a picture that warms my heart -- my mom (bottom row, second from right, next to her daddy) as a little girl.  I love this picture, because more than just the fact that she is so darn cute, in that little innocent face, I see so many family members, including and most especially, my daughter and my grandson.  This is the legacy of motherhood.  We do our best.  We love unceasingly and try to pass on our values, talents and stories.  What we receive back is immeasurable and our legacy is timeless.

Tomorrow, Mother's Day, will be quiet for me.  I will be doing what is probably one of my favorite things to do, aside from spending time with my kids -- performing a wedding ceremony.  Because it is at 2:00 pm, I'll be a little limited on other activities, and I will most likely celebrate a solitary day at home before and after the ceremony.  I think this time for reflection is meaningful, for me to ponder my mother, her legacy to me, as well as my role as mother, and what I am leaving for my children.   I can only hope it will be seen on the faces of those who come after me.  

I believe in the end, what we all really want, is to know we have made a difference, that our lives mattered, to the world in some small way, to the people we most love in a larger way.  And that is why, my favorite Mother's Day gift has always been a heartfelt card, because it really validates that I matter to someone.  

Wishing all Mothers everywhere love and homemade goodness.  

“Mothers and Daughters”

There is a cord between us
not yet cut
On it we move
like tightrope walkers
novices
uncertain of the net
Take tentative steps
across the gulf
toward one another
Careful
not wishing to turn back
Hopeful
that keeping balance
we can meet
can then embrace
and pass each other
as we must

—Maude Meehan

Literary Weddings

I love books.  I always have and I always will though my heart always hopes I will "someday" have time to read all the books I have and want to read.  Books tell stories, books open our minds and expand us, take us to different places and let us see inside the souls of another person.  

That being said, it was a thrill to me to recently marry a few couples who share my love of books and to have the opportunity to research and create ceremonies for them that really reflected their personal taste and love of books. 

Andrea and Jesse were one such couple.  When we first sat down together over cups of tea Andrea confided that they were both book lovers, and described herself as as a hopelessly romantic nerd.  Jesse had wanted to be a novelist when he was younger and wrote poetry.  His current author heros include Hemmingway, John Kennedy Toole and Vonnegut as well as Tolkien and Rowling.  Not surprisingly, Andrea's list was similar -- Conferacy of Dunces, Galapagos, The Sun Also Rises and  The Harry Potter series among her top favorites.  

So, we knew we wanted literary references and readings and one they especially wanted is also one of my personal favorities, and one I include often in wedding ceremonies, by e.e. cummings entitled "i carry your heart"

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it

(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I also found a quote from Vonnegut that fit perfectly as I was describing their love story:  “Some automatic device clicked in her big brain, and her knees felt weak, and there was a chilly feeling in her stomach. She was in love with this man.” 

Probably the most fun though was when they exchanged their vows.  They used tiny moleskin journals to read them to each other -- so perfect for a couple of book lovers, at a beautiful Flower Farm wedding, where the roosters crowed their agreement.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another sweetheart couple who loved books was Meredith and Ben, who married at Park Winters.  Meredith told me that she was inspired by books, both by what she reads, as well as in thinking about the people who write them.  She also said she loves books that teach something, fairytales and fiction and that her favorite authors were Isabel Allende, Paulo Coelho and Lois Lowry.  And I was delighted to discover that one of Ben's favorite authors was also Paulo Coelho and the book The Alchemist (mine too!).  I knew we could find yummy quotes there befitting of an intimate, outdoors loving couple.

While describing how Ben & Meredith's relationship grew and exceeded all of their expectations I said  "As Paulo Coelho said " and, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."" which was certainly the case for them.   I also had quotes from Rumi, and Kahlil Gibran, other classic and favorite authors, who both provide plenty of lovely love language.

And, because Big Sur is very important to these two, because they love the outdoors and nature and because that is where Ben proposed,  at the end I sent them off with these words:

May your marriage always flow like a river, smoothly over rocks, swiftly over bends and turns, and include many moments of quiet stillness where you float and enjoy the ride.  

I love the infinite variety and creativity that can be used in order to create a ceremony that really sings the couple's song and resonates joyfully for all of the guests.  

I have to agree with C.S. Lewis who said “You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” 

I Love Stories

Right before the Oscars my sweetie and I went to see the Oscar-nominated short documentaries, a ritual we have become very fond of this time of year.  Every year a local theater The Crest plays the Oscar nominated short animated, short action and the short documentaries.  I love documentaries as they tell the stories of people's lives and in a 2 hour period we got to see 3 different stories unfold.  Each story was heart-warming and heart-wrenching as I found scraps of tissues in my purse to wipe constantly crying eyes.  But I totally loved them and felt mesmerized and inspired by each and every story.  

Mondays at Racine told a very tough tale of 2 sisters who own a beauty shop and once a month, on Mondays, the shop is open to women with breast cancer.  There are services for free and the women support each other, shaving heads of women who are balding, while groups of women stand firm with them, holding their hands as they cry.  It was such an inspired idea I wanted to be a part of this supportive community or do something similar.  My father died of cancer and my mother is currently anxiously awaiting results after a breast biopsy.  Ideas of starting a support group or creating ceremonies for women once they have been declared cancer-free were racing through my mind.  I envisioned a way for women to symbolically step back into being not cancer survivors but thriving, whole and healthy women.  I was so in awe of the women in the film.

Next up was  Kings Point, a movie that again touched a nerve for me.  It's a movie about the elderly and what it means to age, to lose what you knew, to re-define your life, to let go of attachments because you know they will melt away anyway, and it will be painful.  My mother being in her 80's and with me and so many of my friends quickly going into our 60's and beyond, it was emotional to watch.  The stories were so raw and real -- keeping your distance, making acquaintances, not friends, not falling in love, because eventually your love will die.  Lots of protection of one's heart while still trying to find connection.  We were introduced to several people and by the end when a few had died I was sad.  I had been on this trip with them and I mourned their passing.  Stories.  Stories of real people, of the pain of aging. 

The last, and the Oscar winner was Inocente with the tag line - 'her circumstances do not define her, her dreams do".  Whew - what a gutsy 15 year old girl -- homeless for the past 9 years, at odds with her mother, father took off after beating her, but her saving grace is her art.  She paints daily and she paints beautifully, colorfully, vibrantly.  This girl did not let any of life's hard rocks stop her from her dreams of painting.  Thanks to a fantastic program in San Diego called ARTS (A Reason To Survive) she was helped (and literally transformed) as she experienced her first art show, selling every one of her pieces.  I was beyond impressed by the ARTS group and the impact that bringing art to children's lives can have.  This movie embraced so many things I believe in and Inocente herself was an inspiration (I know I have used that word several times already, but it's true!).  A story, that could have had a totally different ending.  A story of the power of creating powerful change, through creativity and having someone to believe in you.  

As I cried, I recognized how much I love stories, what a part of my Celebrant work this is, how there is always a story behind the story and words cannot express how much I love that, how much I adore the honor of being the story teller. 

Last week at church I sat down and talked for a long while to an older gentleman -- probably 80 who I have talked with briefly before.  In the way that I just adore older people and their sweet energy, I have always had a bit of a crush on this darling man.  But this day I really talked with him, asking him about how he and his wife met, after he exposed the fact they would soon be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.  As he told me in much detail the story of their courtship, he blushed a bit and said he hadn't told many people this story.  He apologized for talking so much.  I pushed that aside asking for more.  Tell me about your wedding day.  Tell me why you chose her.  It was such a sweet 20 minute conversation and when we both had to part I felt I had been given a huge gift -- many stories about who this man is, who he loved, a story apparently not many had heard.  

Stories help us know who we are, where we come from, where we are going.  They connect us to our heritage.  Stories are fluid as the story continues and can wind around and change.  They are personal.  They define our life passages.  

This past weekend my sisters and I spent a day with our mom.  While at her house we went through a box of old pictures, which brought many laughs but also amazing insights.  Looking at my mom as a child I clearly saw my daughter.  Looking at my mom as a teen I clearly saw my neices.  To me I could only think of the shoulders I stand on...my mother, my grandmother, my great grandmother and the stories they hold.  My sisters and I have been interviewing our mother extensively.  She is 83 and she's healthy enough but one never knows.  I do not want her stories to die with her.  

This is why I am a Celebrant -- to keep the stories alive.  Each couple who comes to me has the opportunity for a ceremony that tells their unique story.  Every time I perform a memorial, the story of the deceased is told with clarity and love.  I live to keep stories alive.

In closing here is a mixture of pictures of me at a tender age - probably 1 1/2 or so.  

There I am with my mom, and with my mom and grandma, and with my mom, aunt and grandma.  Generations of women.  Generations of women with their own unique story.   Obviously I have many sides to my personality, including pensive, co-operative, silly beyond belief and some kind of "I'm done with pictures" expression.

I'm happy to expose my story within this blog.  I'd be honored to tell your story to accompany your particular life passage.  

What is your story?  

Kerry & Nick

I knew from the moment I first met Nick and Kerry, around Christmas the year before their August wedding, that I would totally love working with them.  They were very interested in creating a meaningful wedding ceremony with symbolism and meaning, but mostly they were interested in making their ceremony not just a celebration of their marriage and the two of them, but a celebration of the enduring love and support of family.  Kerry, is full of enthusiasm and zest, a constant smile on her face, Nick, is a bit more quiet and subdued, a true adventurer who wooed Kerry with an invitation to teach her rock climbing.  And so their theme was born...rocks, climbing mountains, courage and strength.  It turns out the basic principals of rock climbing -- trust, communication, balance and awareness, are also the requirements of a strong marriage and partnership.  

During their years together, two major events had tested that strength:  Nick had experienced some serious health challenges and they had moved from San Francisco to New York City.  These events were not easy, but it was the love and support of their family and friends who helped them persevere.  They wanted their ceremony to reflect their gratitude, to be a love poem to their families as well as each other.  Lake Tahoe was selected as the location so that family and friends could relax and just enjoy the beauty together.  Nick and Kerry wanted their guests to share a place that had always brought them peace, adventure and a great sense of spirituality.  

Tiny rocks were placed on each chair before the ceremony and at one point I asked each guest to hold that small rock and to think of the couple, to allow those rocks to soak up all their well wishes and good intentions for their marriage.  I asked the guests to commit to being their community of support as they embarked on their marriage, to uphold them in loving each other, to encourage and to listen.  After the ceremony the rocks were collected and Nick & Kerry personally tossed each one into Lake Tahoe.  As each stone created a ripple, so would the collective love ripple and nurture them as their relationship grew.  

With the lake as back drop, their story was told and thanks and appreciation were offered to all the many family members, the parents and grandparents who helped make them the people they are today.  

Nick & Kerry wrote their own vows, secret from each other until the moment when they were read.  What a joyous time as they shared their sensitive, loving intentions as well as some wonderful humor.  Many laughs and tears were shared all around.   

I can hardly think of a deeper honor, to be asked to step into someone's life at such an intimate moment, to capture that life in story and to participate in the sharing of its love.  Nick and Kerry I am so grateful for the opportunity to not only bond and get to know you as we created your ceremony, but also for the opportunity to meet and break bread with those who came before you, your parents and those oh so special, wise and wonderful grandmothers.  

With each other as guides, I know climbing those mountains will be an adventure and the rewards will always be so worth it.  I'm wishing you challenges enough to engage your minds and sufficient time to reflect and enjoy the view in order to engage your spirits.  In the words of the great climber and explorer Edward Whymper ~ 

"Do nothing in haste, look well to each step and from the beginning think what may be the end."

All photos courtesy of Weddings by Monique

Good Bye 2012, Hello 2013!

As I settle in to write this post, pot of tea brewing, Dido singing in the background, I ponder last year's Celebrations and excitedly consider all the Celebrations and Ceremonies to come in 2013.  I know.  At this point it's already January 12 - almost mid-way through the first month of 2013 and I'm just now sending you a Happy New Year blog post!  After a few starts of a blog, a few procrastinations and many more self-beatings for not doing it yet, I figured out the reason why it is so late in coming...because yours truly is a recovering perfectionist.  At the beginning of a new year I like to take stock of my old year, start the new year with perhaps some better habits (all of my hopes and dreams for resolutions seem to revolve around better organization of my limited time) and develop new routines.  I also like to post a summary of what I accomplished and where I hope to go in the new year.  This year I signed up for simplification courses and ordered fancy organizing calendars and kept thinking each day "today will be the day I start this new routine and finish my blog".  If this is all starting to sound the slightest bit overwhelming (or familiar) to you, believe me it was overwhelming to me and as a result, it was not getting done.  If I can't do something "right" or "perfectly" sometimes I struggle in getting it done at all.  This is a bit of the story of my life and I'm thankful for my growing ability to let go of the need to be enough, do enough and do it perfectly.  What a great awareness.  What a relief!

I share this with you in the hopes that if there is any chance you are putting something off, or struggling to finish something because it is overwhelming or you fear it will not be "right" enough, know that doing the least little bit is sometimes good and perfect enough and that getting started is usually the hardest part, but once you do, momentum, passion and let's hope self-compassion, will take over.  

As we dash headlong into 2013 what I'm taking from 2012 is the warm glow of a year well-spent, with many memories to take me into the new year.  I performed so many wonderful weddings and funerals, had time for family, friends, travel and self-reflection and learning.  My focus for this year will be on compassion and trust -- compassion for my self and for others and trust in myself, in my inner knowing and intuition and in what the future holds.  Compassion is actually one of my core strengths, so this is not as much of an aspiration as a commitment to honor that strength.  I recognize the quality of my life when I embrace compassion fully, the quality of my relationships and the quality of the ceremonies I write.  It is incredible as I step into the shoes of all those around me who tell me their story whether it be in a baby blessing, a wedding or a funeral. 

I am also focusing on two other qualities I find endearing and necessary for me to have a balanced life...order and beauty.               

This to me is order and beauty - the order of the rocks, collected on the beach in Carpinteria right before New Years while visiting my son, (please note the heart-shaped rock in the front), the beauty of the Christmas cactus, the warmth of the sun, the light of the trees.  All is right in my world.  

Ceremonies have an order and a beauty to them.  There is in every wedding a sequence of events that tell the story -- the story of the individuals and the story of the couple.  The order and ritual symbolically join the couple together in such a beautiful way.  In 2012 I was delighted to perform so many wedding ceremonies that involved some form of a bringing together of the two individuals.  

Another ritual to bring families together in a wedding ceremony is the ring warming ritual wherein all present hold the rings for a few moments, infusing the rings with their energy, blessing and good wishes for the couple.

Rocks can also be used in the same manner as they were at the wedding of Nick and Kerry this past summer in Tahoe (which will be the focus of a very soon blog post).

Each tiny stone was blessed by the guests and following the ceremony they were tossed by the couple into Lake Tahoe.   It was indeed a year of great celebrations, close and intimate connections, travel, down time and more learnings.  

I decided to unsubscribe from the simplicity course I signed up for January 1, to spend a little less time on facebook and reading blogs of other well-written blogs. While there is much good and useful information out there, I recognized that I needed to at least temporarily and occassionally shut out the "noise" of the outside world and listen to (trust) my own inner voice.  Miraculously it really does know what is best for me most of the time.  I have a mini retreat planned for myself that includes quiet, solitude, yoga, meditation and perhaps toughest of all, no electronics!  

I'm already writing ceremonies for many more amazing weddings for 2013 with such special couples, I cannot wait for their ceremonies.  I loved doing pre-marital coaching with couples last year and am loving the coaching I'm doing with couples so far this year.  I'm excitedly planning a birthday celebration ceremony for a woman turning 40, being celebrated on the beach, and will be happy to announce an upcoming  retreat hike to Hidden Falls.

I plan to celebrate all of life's big and small moments with beauty, order and compassion.  I would be so delighted to help you celebrate yours.  

What's your plan for 2013?  Quick, without it needing to be perfect or right, what one or two words come to mind?  Now go live and be all that.

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

- Oprah Winfrey

 
 

                                                                                                                                  

Happy Solstice to All & To All a Good Light

Image courtesy of City-Data.com

Our dream life and our inner life grow more insistent in the winter darkness. ~ Joan Borysenko

Today, December 21, marks the winter solstice, one of my more favorite 'holidays'. Winter solstice is more of a time of inner reflection, peace and solitude than some of the other holidays of December, which are celebrated more outwardly.  I absolutely love how universally appealing its concepts are -- darkness and light, releasing and embracing, and how other religious traditions also use lighting of candles to welcome the light and mark what this season brings.   

After every challenge in life, there eventually dawns that light at the end of the tunnel. After winter there is spring.  After death there is new life - the eternal cycle of life.  Solstice is a time to reflect on our year - to let go of all that we want to be done with and to embrace all that we desire to create for ourselves in the new year.  As the darkness gives way to the light so does our hard work give way to the payoff of new successes and in letting go of old habits, wounds or people in our lives we can make room for new and more promising experiences in 2013.  

It's a time when I like to assess the old year and with a bit of ceremony let go of anything no longer working for me.  On tiny slips of paper I write out anything I'm ready to let loose -- resentment, ideas, people perhaps, and then after lighting my candle, or a fire, I burn my slips of paper.  

The next part of solstice is to welcome the light, the dawning of a new season, a new year and always a possibility for a new me.  I write out my goals for the new year, or create a visual experience by collaging images and words, whatever gets the creativity flowing.  And I congratulate myself on attaining any goals set at the end of last year.  

It's a reassuring and comforting time of year for me.  I think the ancient people who started the solstice tradtion used it to comfort themselves in a time when they feared the light of sun would never return and the days would continue to get shorter and shorter.  They knew good things were coming as do we.  

I invite you to take stock of 2012 in whatever way feels meaningful to you.  Spend time with tea cup, pen and journal, or paint and paper, or write a poem.  Allow yourself time to let go and then to be creative.  There is no end to the possibilities that 2013 will bring.  

I wish you a Happy Solstice, Merry  Christmas, blessed Hanukkah, and a healthy and wonderous New Year! 

Winter is a lesson about the fine art of loss and growth.  The lesson is clear; There is only one way out of the struggle And that is by going into its darkness, Waiting for the light, and being open to new growth.  ~ Joan Chittister

 

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There are no Words

Today I stopped in at the Nissan dealership where I bought my car to get a carpet issue resolved and replaced.  As I stood in the lobby, service man scanning the computer for my name and car, I looked at the tiny television screen many of the staff and customers were watching.  The headline stated "26 confirmed dead, 18 children, 8 teachers".  As I watched and listened, feeling almost numb, I found I didn't want to let it in.  I just couldn't watch, couldn't absorb it, couldn't really take it all in.  A man watching looked at me and said, "so sad, it's happening almost everyday isn't it?"  I nodded, still feeling like it was surreal.  Really?  Really?  Too many reporter questions coursing through my mind:  how? why? who? WHY??

It has only been a few short hours since I saw this on the television screen.  I have since returned home only to scroll facebook where everyone is posting the same kinds of questions and some are posting answers.  I have no answers; no concrete solutions.  I am no expert on senseless acts of violence or human behavior or guns and my point is not to comment on any of that.  What I do know is a bit about the human heart and that is what is driving me to post this right now.  

This hurts all of us who have hearts that can feel compassion, empathy, love.  It hurts and angers us to think of another human being whose heart fails to hold that same compassion, empathy and love; in fact it is incomprehensible.  Today we are drawn together in reflecting on the 26 teachers and children, and their families thinking "what if that had been my child, my neice, my parent?"  And all of us are seeking answers to questions that really have no answers.  

All I can offer is this. I believe that every tragedy helps us to value life a little bit more, to hold our loved ones a little closer, and to feel our hearts opening and stretching for those impacted and suffering, quite a bit more.  Perhaps this time of questions is a time for reflection, a time to feel our feelings and be with them, a time to reach out to others, a time to ask how we might make a difference in this world.

In this time of sadness, grief, anger and questions, I encourage you to find one way to share compassion and comfort with others.  Light a candle in honor of those children and teachers and send your loving energy out into the world.

My heart goes out to not only all of those in Cincinnati but to all of us, all of those reading this, and all those on our planet.  May our brokeness be healed and may comfort come to those who most need it now.

with love and hugs~ 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."  ~ Margaret Meade

 

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With Gratitude in My Heart

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”  ~ Marcel Proust

I love November for its actualization of autumn, for the colorful leaves that amaze and astound me, for the nip in the air which makes me hug myself close, mitties on hands, scarf tied around neck.  The wind whispers of possibilities, of what is to come in the form of holidays, community, closeness, and the eventual drawing in that winter brings.  

November also marks a time of Thanks - Giving, of gratitude and for that I am grateful.  While I know all of us strive to keep a graceful attitude of thanks, we benefit from this time of structured focus on our Thanks as well as our Giving.  

I've been considering the things and people in my life for which I am grateful and I created a list of 10 things, in no specific order, which are prominent in my mind:

1.  The beauty of nature which is always all around me.  The leaves alone this time of year take my breath away and fill me with hope and happiness.  I live for my moments outdoors, always astounded by the details I find there.

2.  My wonderful partner in life, my guy who has been with me for the past 8 years.  I so appreciate his support and love, how he understands that like popeye "I am what I am" and even though I can run myself crazy busy, he understands and is always there to tell me "you're so cute!" and to support me in all I do.

3.  My fantastic kids.  Just thinking about the support and love these two constantly show me makes me cry.  I am so incredibly proud of both of them, where they are in life, how they give back, contribute and add beauty and joy to my life constantly.  I am so very, very happy for them and how their lives are going.  They have love, joy, purpose.  Happy mom.  He needs a category of his own, but I am so grateful for my grandson Jaden.  He brings me joy, fun, wonder and tenderness and charms me by telling me I'm a great lady and I have a nice face.  A charmer extraordinaire that kid.  

4.  Doing work that makes me happy, that makes me feel I am contributing something of value to people's lives.  Creating ceremonies that make life passages really come alive and getting to meet people at these stages of their lives has been such an amazing honor and gift.  I feel so very grateful to be a Celebrant and grateful for all the amazing people I get to meet and get to know.  To any of you who are past, current or potentially future clients, I feel so privileged to be the one to tell your story.

5.  My health.  I am so grateful to be a healthy person.  I can walk/run, do yoga, and keep up with my 3 year old grandson pretty well.  I recognize there are many people in the world who are not so fortunate.  I am happy to be so healthy.

6.  Friends and extended family -- what would I do without you?  The connections I share with these people are the gasoline that fuels my engine.  You make me laugh and you lift me up.  Know that you are all truly loved and appreciated.

7.  The amazing variety of my favorite foods that exist in the world -- fruits, vegetables, grains.  So many flavors and ways to prepare delicious food.

8.  Art and music  -- two things I cannot live without.  Creativity is the icing on the cupcake of a good life -- painting while listening to great music = heaven.

9.  Animals.  They are such a projection of ourselves, beings with feelings and personalities, that they help me see myself more clearly, feel compassion and empathy more and calm my restless self, just by stroking and talking with them, or watching them, such as the birds who fly outside my office window.  They are each unique and incredible.

10.  The infinite variety of people, religions, interests, cultures, colors, sounds and languages that exist in the world.  All of it is fascinating to me and gives my life so much spice and life.  This is also what tells me that despite all of the differences, we are all one and we all want so much the same things -- to connect with others, to be loved, to make a difference.

Wishing all of you a Thanksgiving filled with feelings of love, acceptance, abundance and gratitude.  

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” 
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

With sincere thanks ~

 

Nancy & Joey

Meet Nancy and Joey in a picture taken by the talented photographer Ryan Greenleaf which Nancy sent to me following the wedding.  This was the smallest wedding I have done thus far -- 7 guests, me, the photographer, and videographer.  The setting -- the beautiful Park Winters  on a Thursday afternoon.  Joey was about to start a new job out of town and so the time was right.  The thing I have fallen in love with about Winters is the small town feel.  John, co-owner of Park Winters, met Nancy at the restaurant her family owns in town.  Joey, met and fell in love with Nancy at the same restaurant.  And I can say after stopping there for a veggie burrito after a rehearsal at Park Winters, they do have fabulous food served with a smile!  

Nancy and Joey wanted something small and intimate -- just their families -- both sets of parents, their daughter Azeneth, Joey's grandmother and a good family friend.  

Nancy felt so lucky to have found Joey, so fortunate to have someone to share her life and create a family with.  Azeneth was so overome with emotion as the ceremony began, happy for her mother, that she was sobbing uncontrollably and finally left to compose herself!  What a happy moment when she returned just in time to hand over the rings.  

For his part, Joey was head over heels in love, grateful to have found someone who shared similar values, who enjoyed the little things in life, and placed a high priority on family.  With Azeneth, and Joey's daughter Tiffany, they were creating a new family.  Together they planted a family tree, offering it dirt and water to nourish and nurture their new tree as they will also nourish and nurture their family. 

This is a couple who had hoped to find a spanish speaking officiant, as Nancy's parents are from Mexico and speak very little English.  John, from Park Winters, bless his heart, recommended me, even though I am not fluent in Spanish, in fact I'd say it was rather rusty!  But they hired me and I created a personal ceremony for them in less than 10 days!  Nancy was able to read the entire ceremony to her parents beforehand so they did get to hear and understand it all.  

I really enjoyed getting to know Nancy, Joey and Azeneth, such a sweet family -- Joey and Nancy both so generous and kind and clearly in love. 

 

But what I really enjoyed about this sweet and intimate wedding was after the wedding, when all of us met up in the kitchen of Park Winters for a toast and sat around the dinning room table where there was lots of talk.  I did my best with the Spanish, they did their best with the English and in the end none of that really mattered all that much anyway.  We had the common language of love, of family, of friends, of community, of joy.  I will never forget the sweetness of that moment, on an end of summer afternoon, with hugs and smiles all around and many cheers for happily ever afters for Nancy and Joey and their entire family. 

All images courtesy of Ryan Greenleaf, Ryan Greenleaf Photography.  Thank you Ryan!

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

~Mother Teresa